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Rambam - 1 Chapter a Day

Avel - Chapter 6

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Avel - Chapter 6

1According to Rabbinic Law, a mourner should observe some of the mourning practices for 30 days.1אמִדִּבְרֵי סוֹפְרִים, שֶׁיִּהְיֶה הָאָבֵל נוֹהֵג בְּמִקְצַת דִּבְרֵי אֲבֵלוּת כָּל שְׁלוֹשִׁים יוֹם.
Which source did our Sages use as a support for the concept of 30 days?2 Deuteronomy 21:13 states:3 “And she shall cry for her father and mother for a month.”4 Implied is that a mourner will feel discomfort for a month.וּמִנַיִן סָמְכוּ לִשְׁלוֹשִׁים יוֹם? שֶׁהֲרֵי הוּא אוֹמֵר "וּבָכְתָה אֶת אָבִיהָ וְאֶת אִמָּהּ יֶרַח יָמִים" (דברים כא, יג) - מִכְּלָל שֶׁהָאָבֵל מִצְטַעֵר כָּל שְׁלוֹשִׁים יוֹם.
2These are the practices forbidden to a mourner for the entire 30-day period. He is forbidden to cut his hair, to wear freshly ironed clothing, to marry, to enter a celebration of friends, and to go on a business trip to another city; five matters in all.5בוְאֵלּוּ דְּבָרִים שֶׁהָאָבֵל אָסוּר בָּהֶן כָּל שְׁלוֹשִׁים יוֹם - אָסוּר בַּתִסְפֹּרֶת, וּבְגִּהוּץ, וּבַנִּשּׂוּאִין, וּבְשִׂמְחַת מֵרֵעוּת, וְלֵילֵךְ בִּסְחוֹרָה מִמְּדִינָה לִמְדִינָה. הַכֹּל חֲמִשָּׁה דְּבָרִים.
3What does the prohibition against cutting one’s hair involve? Just as it is forbidden to cut any of the hair of one’s body, to shave one’s mustache, or to cut one’s nails with a utensil through the seven days of mourning;6 so, too, he is forbidden throughout these 30 days.גבַּתִּסְפֹּרֶת כֵּיצַד? כְּשֵׁם שֶׁאָסוּר לְסַפֵּר כָּל שְׂעַר גּוּפוֹ אוֹ לְגַלֵּחַ שְׂפָמוֹ אוֹ לָקֹץ צִפָּרְנָיו בִּכְלִי כָּל שִׁבְעָה - כָּךְ אָסוּר כָּל שְׁלוֹשִׁים.
To whom does the above apply? To a man. A woman, by contrast, is permitted to remove hair after seven days7 although a man must wait 30. בַּמֶּה דְּבָרִים אֲמוּרִים? בְּאִישׁ; אֲבָל בְּאִשָּׁה מֻתֶּרֶת בִּנְטִילַת שֵׂעָר לְאַחַר שִׁבְעָה. וְהָאִישׁ - עַד שְׁלוֹשִׁים יוֹם.
For one’s father or mother, a man is obligated to let his hair grow until it becomes noticeably long or8 until his colleagues rebuke him for not attending to his appearance.וְעַל אָבִיו וְעַל אִמּוֹ - חַיָּב לְגַדֵּל שְׂעָרוֹ עַד שֶׁיִּשְׁלַח פֶּרַע, אוֹ עַד שֶׁיִּגְעֲרוּ בּוֹ חֲבֵרָיו.
4Similarly, a mourner is forbidden to wear new white clothes that have been ironed9 for 30 days. This applies to both a man and a woman.10דוְכֵן אָסוּר לִלְבֹּשׁ כֵּלִים לְבָנִים חֲדָשִׁים וּמְגֹהָצִין כָּל שְׁלוֹשִׁים יוֹם. אֶחָד הָאִישׁ וְאֶחָד הָאִשָּׁה.
If they are colored and ironed, it is permitted.11 Similarly, if they are not new although they are white and ironed, it is permitted.12הָיוּ צְבוּעִין וּמְגֹהָצִין - מֻתָּרִין. וְכֵן אִם לֹא הָיוּ חֲדָשִׁים, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁהֵן לְבָנִים וּמְגֹהָצִין - מֻתָּרִין.
There is no prohibition against wearing linen clothes that were ironed.13וּכְלֵי פִּשְׁתָּן, אֵין בָּהֶן מִשּׁוּם גִּהוּץ.
After 30 days, one may wear ironed clothes, even if one is in mourning for one’s father or mother.14וּלְאַחַר שְׁלוֹשִׁים יוֹם מֻתָּר בַּגִּהוּץ, אַפִלּוּ עַל אָבִיו וְעַל אִמּוֹ.
5What does the prohibition against marriage involve? It is forbidden to marry a woman throughout these 30 days. It is, however, permitted to consecrate her15 even on the day of the death of one’s relative.הבַּנִּשּׂוּאִין כֵּיצַד? אָסוּר לִשָּׂא אִשָּׁה כָּל שְׁלוֹשִׁים יוֹם. וּמֻתָּר לְאָרְשָׂׂהּ אַפִלּוּ בְּיוֹם הַמִּיתָה.
When a man’s wife dies, if he already fulfilled the mitzvah of procreation,16 and he has someone to attend to him and he does not have young children, he may not remarry until three festivals17 pass.18וּמִי שֶׁמֵּתָה אִשְׁתּוֹ: אִם כְּבָר קִיֵּם מִצְוַת פִּרְיָה וְרִבְיָה, וְיֵשׁ לוֹ מִי שֶׁיְּשַׁמְּשֶׁנּוּ, וְאֵין לוֹ בָּנִים קְטַנִּים - הֲרֵי זֶה אָסוּר לִשָּׂא אִשָּׁה אַחֶרֶת עַד שֶׁיַּעַבְרוּ עָלָיו שְׁלוֹשָׁה רְגָלִים.
If, however, a person has not fulfilled the mitzvah of procreation, or fulfilled the mitzvah and has young children,19 or does not have someone to attend to him, he is permitted to consecrate and marry immediately.20 It is, however, forbidden for him to enter into relations with his wife21 until 30 days have passed.22אֲבָל מִי שֶׁלֹּא קִיֵּם עֲדַיִן מִצְוַת פִּרְיָה וְרִבְיָה, אוֹ שֶׁקִיֵּם וְיֵשׁ לוֹ בָּנִים קְטַנִּים, אוֹ מִי שֶׁאֵין לוֹ מִי שֶׁיְּשַׁמְּשֶׁנּוּ - הֲרֵי זֶה מֻתָּר לְאָרְשָׂׂהּ וְלִכְנֹס מִיָּד, וְאָסוּר לוֹ לָבוֹא עָלֶיהָ עַד שְׁלוֹשִׁים יוֹם.
Similarly, a woman who was in mourning should not enter into relations until 30 days have passed.23וְכֵן הָאִשָּׁה שֶׁהָיְתָה אֲבֵלָה - לֹא תִבָּעֵל עַד שְׁלוֹשִׁים יוֹם.
6A friendly get-together which a person is obligated to requite immediately24 may be held immediately after the seven days of mourning. If, however, he is not obligated to requite such a gathering, he is forbidden to enter one until 30 days pass.ושִׂמְחַת מְרֵעוּת שֶׁהָיָה חַיָּב לִפְרֹעַ אוֹתָהּ, מֻתָּר לַעֲשׂוֹתָהּ מִיָּד לְאַחַר שִׁבְעָה. אֲבָל אִם אֵינוֹ חַיָּב לְפָרְעָהּ - אָסוּר לְהִכָּנֵס לָהּ עַד שְׁלוֹשִׁים יוֹם.
7When does the above apply? When one is mourning for other deceased persons. When mourning for one’s father or mother, by contrast, under all circumstances,25 one is forbidden to enter a friendly gathering for twelve months.26זבַּמֶּה דְּבָרִים אֲמוּרִים? בִּשְׁאָר מֵתִים; אֲבָל עַל אָבִיו וְעַל אִמּוֹ - בֵּין כַּךְ וּבֵין כַּךְ - לֹא יִכָּנֵס לְשִׂמְחַת מְרֵעוּת עַד שְׁנֵים עָשָׂר חֹדֶשׁ.
8When mourning for all other deceased persons, one is permitted to go on a business trip immediately after 30 days pass.27 When mourning for one’s father or mother, by contrast, one should not go until his colleagues rebuke him and tell him: “Come with us.”חעַל כָּל הַמֵּתִים כֻּלָּן - מֻתָּר לֵילֵךְ בִּסְחוֹרָה לְאַחַר שְׁלוֹשִׁים יוֹם. וְעַל אָבִיו וְעַל אִמּוֹ - עַד שֶׁיִּגְעֲרוּ בּוֹ חֲבֵרָיו וְיֹאמְרוּ לוֹ 'לֵךְ עִמָּנוּ'.
9When mourning for all other deceased persons,28 if one desires, one may reduce his business activities.29 If he does not desire, he need not reduce them. When mourning for one’s father or mother, by contrast, one should reduce one’s business activities.30טוְכֵן עַל כָּל הַמֵּתִים כֻּלָּן - רָצָה, מְמַעֵט בַּעֲסָקוֹ; רָצָה, אֵינוֹ מְמַעֵט. עַל אָבִיו וְעַל אִמּוֹ, מְמַעֵט בַּעֲסָקוֹ.
10When a person is journeying from place to place,31 he should minimize his commercial activity if possible. If not, he should purchase the articles he needs for his journey and articles which are necessary to maintain his existence.32יהַהוֹלֵךְ מִמָּקוֹם לְמָקוֹם: אִם יָכוֹל לְמַעֵט בַּעֲסָקוֹ, מְמַעֵט; וְאִם לָאו - יִקְנֶה צָרְכֵּי הַדֶּרֶךְ וּדְבָרִים שֶׁיֵּשׁ בָּהֶן חַיֵּי נֶפֶשׁ.
11When a person’s husband, wife, father, or mother was crucified in a city,33 it is forbidden for him to dwell in that city until the flesh of the corpse decomposes.34יאמִי שֶׁהָיָה בַּעְלָהּ צָלוּב בָּעִיר, אוֹ אִשְׁתּוֹ צְלוּבָה, אוֹ אָבִיו אוֹ אִמּוֹ - אָסוּר לוֹ לִשְׁכֹּן בְּאוֹתָהּ הָעִיר עַד שֶׁיִּכְלֶה הַבָּשָׂר.
If it is a major metropolis like Antioch, one may dwell in the other portion of the city, where one’s relatives are not crucified.35וְאִם הָיְתָה עִיר גְּדוֹלָה כְּאַנְטוּכְיָא, יֵשׁ לוֹ לִשְׁכֹּן בְּצַד הָאַחֵר שֶׁאֵינָן צְלוּבִין בּוֹ.
12Even a portion of the seventh day36 is considered as the entire day37 and is counted both as part of the seven days of acute mourning and the 30 days of mourning.38יביוֹם שְׁבִיעִי - מִקְצָתוֹ כְּכֻלּוֹ, וְהוּא עוֹלֶה לְכָאן וּלְכָאן.
Therefore it is permissible to launder, to wash,39 and to perform other activities40 on the seventh day. Similarly, even a portion of the thirtieth day is considered as the entire day and it is permitted to cut one’s hair and iron one’s clothes on that day.41לְפִיכָךְ מֻתָּר לְכַבֵּס וְלִרְחֹץ וְלַעֲשׂוֹת שְׁאָר הַדְּבָרִים בְּיוֹם שְׁבִיעִי. וְכֵן יוֹם שְׁלוֹשִׁים - מִקְצָתוֹ כְּכֻלּוֹ, וּמֻתָּר לְסַפֵּר וּלְגַהֵץ בְּיוֹם שְׁלוֹשִׁים.
13The following laws apply when one suffers several losses for which he is required to mourn one after the other. If his hair grows overly long,42 he may trim it with a razor, but not with scissors.43 He may wash his clothes44 in water, but not with soap or using sand. He may wash his entire body in cold water, but not in hot water.יגמִי שֶׁתְּכָפוּהוּ אֲבָלָיו וְהִכְבִּיד שְׁעָרוֹ - מֵקַל בְּתַעַר, לֹא בְּמִסְפָּרַיִם. וּמְכַבֵּס כְּסוּתוֹ בַּמַּיִם, אֲבָל לֹא בְּנֶתֶר וְלֹא בְּחוֹל. וְרוֹחֵץ כָּל גּוּפוֹ בְּצוֹנֵן, אֲבָל לֹא בְּחַמִּין.
Similarly, when one suffers repeated losses for which he must mourn after arriving from an overseas journey, being released from captivity or prison, being released from a ban of ostracism under which he had being placed,45 being absolved from a vow which he had taken, or emerging from a state of ritual impurity46 to one of purity, he may cut his hair47 in the midst of the period of mourning.48 The rationale is that one period of mourning followed the other and the people did not have the opportunity to care for themselves.וְכֵן מִי שֶׁתְּכָפוּהוּ אֲבָלָיו, וּבָא מִמְּדִינַת הַיָּם, וּמִבֵּית הַשִּׁבְיָה, אוֹ שֶׁיָּצָא מִבֵּית הָאֲסוּרִים, אוֹ שֶׁהָיָה מְנֻדֶּה וְהֻתַּר, אוֹ שֶׁהָיָה מֻדָּר וְנִשְׁאַל עַל נִדְרוֹ וְהֻתַּר, וְכָל הַיוֹצֵא מִטֻּמְאָה לְטָהֳרָה - הֲרֵי אֵלּוּ מְגַלְּחִין בִּימֵי אֶבְלָם, הוֹאִיל וְתָכַף אוֹתָם אֵבֶל אַחַר אֵבֶל וְלֹא מָצְאוּ פְּנַאי.

Quiz Yourself on Avel - Chapter 6

Footnotes
1.

From the Rambam’s wording in Chapter 10, Halachah 6, it appears that one should count the 30 days from the day of the relative’s death, but Chapter 10, Halachah 8, (and this impression is also created from Chapter 7, Halachah 4) states that one should count from the day of the burial. Today, the present custom is to count the 30 days from the day of the relative’s death.

2.

I.e., although the practice is Rabbinic in origin, our Sages found an allusion to this practice in the Torah.

3.

With regard to a yefat to’ar, a female captive of war.

4.

The Ra’avad and the Radbaz question the Rambam’s statement, noting that the Babylonian Talmud derives this concept from the exegesis of other verses. The Radbaz states that the Rambam’s source is the Jerusalem Talmud. He asks, however: Why does the Rambam choose the Jerusalem Talmud over the Babylonian Talmud? Other commentaries note that the exegesis of this verse is not found in the standard text of the Jerusalem Talmud and question the Rambam’s source.
Kin’at Eliyahu states that regardless of which source the Rambam is relying upon, the Rambam is following a pattern he employs in several other places in the Mishneh Torah: He will rely on the most obvious Biblical source even when it is not given prominence in the previous Rabbinic writings.

5.

They are described in the following halachot of this chapter.

6.

See Chapter 5, Halachah 2.

7.

The Rambam’s ruling is based on the version of Yevamot 43a cited by Rabbenu Yitzchak Alfasi. The standard published version of the text differs and does not grant a woman license to cut her hair. See also tractate Semachot, ch. 7. Rashi and the other Ashkenazic commentaries follow the standard published version.
This difference of opinion is perpetuated by the Halachic authorities. The Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh De’ah 390:5) follows the Rambam’s ruling, while the Ramah follows that of the Ashkenazic authorities.

8.

The Radbaz questions the Rambam’s wording and suggests that “and” should be substituted for “or.” The person should let his hair grow until his colleagues rebuke him. The Kessef Mishneh justifies the Rambam’s ruling, stating that even if the mourner’s colleagues rebuke him before his hair grows uncontrollably long, he may cut it. He does require, however, that the mourner allow his hair to grow for at least 30 days. The Ramah (Yoreh De’ah 390:4) mentions opinions that require one to let his hair grow for three months and others that require one to let it grow for an entire year.

9.

The translation of the term gihutz is a matter of debate. Some translate it as “launder,” others as “iron,” and still others as “press.”

10.

Although some early authorities (the Baal Halachot Gedolot) make a distinction between a man and a woman in this context, the Rambam does not see a Talmudic source that differentiates between them and hence rules as above.

11.

For in this instance, the fact that they are ironed is not as obvious.

12.

Certainly, there is no prohibition against wearing laundered clothes (Radbaz).

13.

For they do not appear as ironed for such a long period. The Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh De’ah 389:5) forbids also freshly ironed linen during the 30 days of mourning.

14.

Although the Jerusalem Talmud (Mo’ed Kattan 3:8) mentions following restrictions for a year in the event of the death of one’s parents in this instance as well, the Babylonian Talmud does not mention such restrictions and the Rambam bases his ruling on it.

15.

Lest someone else consecrate her instead (see the Jerusalem Talmud, Ta’aniot 4:6). It is forbidden to hold a feast celebrating the consecration, however. For that is an extra measure of rejoicing which is inappropriate during the days of mourning [Kessef Mishneh; Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh De’ah392:1)]. The Ramah, however, forbids even consecration until the 30 days have passed. An engagement is permitted according to all opinions (Siftei Cohen 392:1).

16.

I.e., he has both a son and a daughter, as stated in Hilchot Ishut 15:4.

17.

Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are not considered festivals in this context [Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh De’ah 392:2)].

18.

This will give him time for his first wife to fade from the forefront of his consciousness. Otherwise, even during times of intimacy, he will remember her and this will disturb his relationship with his new wife (Nimukei Yosef, commenting on Mo'ed Kattan 23a).

19.

And there is no one to care for them.

20.

The Shulchan Aruch (loc. cit.) rules that one may consecrate a woman immediately and marry her after the seven days of mourning.

21.

The Shulchan Aruch (loc. cit.) rules that a person who has not fulfilled the mitzvah of procreation may engage in relationships after the seven days of mourning pass.

22.

Mo’ed Kattan, loc. cit., relates that the wife of the sage, Yosef HaCohen, died. He approached his sister-in-law in the cemetery and told her to care for her sister’s children (implying that he would marry her). He did not, however, engage in relations with her until 30 days passed.

23.

Note the Kessef Mishneh who rules that she may be consecrated and even married immediately. He asks, however: why is the woman required to wait 30 days before engaging in relations? If she is mourning for other people besides her husband, she should be permitted to engage in relations after the seven days of mourning. And if she is mourning for her husband, she is required to wait 90 days to establish clearly the parentage of any child she might conceive (see Hilchot Gerushin 11:20).

24.

E.g., a friend held a celebration for him on the condition that he make a celebration in return immediately thereafter.

25.

Even if he made a commitment to hold such a celebration in the near future.

26.

The Jerusalem Talmud (Mo ‘ed Kattan 3:8) states that leniency is granted with regard to a feast associated with a mitzvah. See the Ramah (Yoreh De’ah 391:1) who discusses this issue.

27.

A distant business trip has a certain festive nature to it. Usually, one would go to county fairs and the like where there were entertainment and rejoicing. Ordinary commercial enterprises, by contrast, are permitted after the seven days of mourning (Radbaz; Kessef Mishneh).

28.

This applies after the seven days of acute mourning, but during the 30 days of mourning (Kessef Mishneh).

29.

For as reflected by Hilchot Ta’aniot 3:8, this is appropriate in times of disfavor.

30.

For these 30 days.

31.

This is speaking about a situation where the mourner heard about the death of his relative while he was on a business trip. Alternatively, if he left on a small business trip during the 30 days of mourning (Radbaz).

32.

He may, however, purchase a large amount at one time. There is no need for him to purchase only the bare minimum (Kessef Mishneh).

33.

The Bayit Chadash (Yoreh De’ah 346) states that this law does not apply when the crucifixion is carried out beyond the city limits.

34.

In Talmudic times, the Romans would frequently crucify criminals - and innocent people who they termed criminals for their own reasons - and leave their bodies unburied for lengthy periods.
To dwell in the city would be considered as disrespectful to one’s relative, for people will say: “His relative is crucified and he is continuing his life without mourning” (Radbaz). Others (Nimukei Yosef to Mo’ed Kattan 26b) state that the very fact that people see his relative will cause the deceased to lose respect, for people will recall that he was crucified.

35.

For the people in that portion of the city may either not know about the crucifixion or might not know that the person is related to the one crucified (Semachot 2:13).

36.

I.e., after any portion of time after sunrise, but all the mourning rites must be observed at night. The present custom is to come to the mourner’s home for the morning prayers and then to order him to arise from mourning [Radbaz; Ramah (Yoreh De’ah 395:1)].

37.

As stated in Chapter 7, Halachah 2, “since he observed mourning for a portion of the day, it is considered as if he observed [mourning] for the entire day.”

38.

Thus if a person buries his dead seven days before a festival begins, both the seven day and 30 day mourning periods are completed with the advent of the festival.

39.

The Ramah (Yorelz De’ah 381:1) states that it has become customary to wait 30 days before washing with hot water. There are different customs depending on the norm in one’s local community.

40.

The other matters forbidden during the seven days of mourning. An exception is made with regard to sexual relations which are forbidden until nightfall (Rabbi Akiva Eiger).

41.

It would appear that the same applies with regard to the other prohibitions mentioned in this chapter.

42.

For he was not able to cut his hair at the conclusion of the first 30 days of mourning, because of the second period of mourning.

43.

I.e., he must deviate from the ordinary manner of cutting his hair (Radbaz).

44.

If he suffers two losses, the second in the week of mourning for the first.

45.

A person who is under a ban of ostracism is forbidden to cut his hair as stated in Hilchot Talmud Torah 7:4.

46.

The Rambam Le’Am states that a person who is ritually impure may not find someone to cut his hair lest that person contract ritual impurity. Kina’at Eliyahu notes that a person afflicted with tzara’at is forbidden to cut his hair (Hilchot Tumat Tzara’at 10:6). As stated in those halachot (10:8), all of the ritually impure were obligated to make it known to others that they were ritually impure. Hence it is possible that one of the signs they employed was allowing their hair to grow long.

47.

I.e., he may cut his hair in the ordinary manner. He need not use a razor (Mo’ed Kattan 17b).

48.

Similarly, such individuals may launder their clothes in an ordinary manner [Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh De’ah 289:1)].

The Mishneh Torah was the Rambam's (Rabbi Moses ben Maimon) magnum opus, a work spanning hundreds of chapters and describing all of the laws mentioned in the Torah. To this day it is the only work that details all of Jewish observance, including those laws which are only applicable when the Holy Temple is in place. Participating in one of the annual study cycles of these laws (3 chapters/day, 1 chapter/day, or Sefer Hamitzvot) is a way we can play a small but essential part in rebuilding the final Temple.
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Rabbi Eliyahu Touger is a noted author and translator, widely published for his works on Chassidut and Maimonides.
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The text on this page contains sacred literature. Please do not deface or discard.