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Emotional Sobriety

Spiritual Tools for Dealing with Dysfunction

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Emotional Sobriety: Spiritual Tools for Dealing with Dysfunction

An honest look at why and how we get pulled into dysfunctional relationships, and some practical insights for rising above the chaos.

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Topics:	Dignity; Respect, Family, Addiction & Recovery

By Shais Taub

Rabbi Shais Taub is a noted speaker, author, and columnist, who serves as scholar-in-residence of Chabad of the Five Towns. His talks and classes may be seen on SoulWords.org.

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53 Comments

Daniel La February 2, 2025

Thanks for this video. I gained a solution for one of the questions I have been wondering about. I wasn't getting any where trying to invade in people's lives and I thought I was doing them the biggest favor. I learned a big invaluable lesson to know who I am, to give people there space, and give when I'm needed. Reply

Anita Barone June 3, 2024

👍🙏Thank you Rabbi, very insightful perspective and shared kindly. Reply

Chonye June 17, 2018

My life is dedicated to making sure no-one is co-dependant. Reply

Mimz August 15, 2018

in response to Chonye:

The ultimate co-dependent dedication : ) Reply

Pamela Rhoten LOWELL, IN July 5, 2017

Dear Rabbi,
Your teachings are full of great wisdom that only comes from a deep understanding of and respect for Torah. You are a blessing, a light unto the nations. May HaShem continue to bless you with knowledge and understanding!
Reply

Anonymous Pittsburgh, PA September 19, 2016

Thank you Thank you Rabbi. I am not Jewish but came across this (via Google search on tools for emotional sobriety) at a much needed moment. Listening to your talk has given me peace and a renewed sense of hope that maybe, just maybe, I can begin a new practice in setting boundaries for self respect in an extremely challenging family situation. Thank you again. Reply

Brigid via jewishtahoe.com July 18, 2016

Dear Rabbi, thank you very much for your talk....one of the best I've heard on codependency...and I loved the jokes! Reply

Ron Saffer Tucson, z April 19, 2016

Rabbi,May Hashem send you and your family many blessings this Pesach. Your lesson on Emotional Sobriety and co-dependence,has restored my happiness to me. I will from now on only try to run my life and not others. I am hereby declaring that I will get out of Hashem's way and let him run things.I will no longer worry because I will know that things are in good hands. Thank You, Reply

Tristan Convert Lso Angeles February 15, 2016

Hillel's talks Dear Rabbi,
May you be blessed.
Can you recommend specific texts in regard to Hillel's "Im ein ani li, mi li?" I'd like to work on my middot by studying your closure's subject more deeply.
Thank you for a wonderful lecture. Reply

Aaron Lemke August 2, 2015

sensory processing disorder Der Rabbi,
I really enjoyed your lecture.
It was a real eye-opener.
Thank you very much.

One point I would like to clarify.
Sensory processing disorder is just what the name tells you.
Some of the most extreme forms of it can be found in autistic individuals.

So please,let's not throw human beings with sensory issues in with self-absorbed people who don't like it when "things are off"-as you put it.

I,for instance,don't feel that the sun's bright light is off. No,it's natural! I still need sunglaases a lot more frequently than other people because it physically hurts me.

Is that just self-absorbed?
BTW I'm an ADHD'er not even an autist.
I respect your efforts in trying to get a message across,please respect that disorders are not the appropriate conduit for any such message.

Sincerely and with the best wishes for the future
Aaron Reply

Anonymous February 5, 2013

I love it! BH I listened to your lecture very often!!! It makes me really see clearly! To hear it comming from a Rabbi and seeing how Torah talks about these lessons too.....Its amazing!! thanks! I really apriciate it! Reply

Mr. Christopher Beeker March 13, 2012

G-D of Our Understanding Dear Rabbi Taub; Thank you so much for your book; it's what I call intense. I love it so much that I've read it twice and carry it around with me to access your thoughts on the various subjects. I am a gentile that loves the way you think and teach. You truly are a gift to all of us in recovery. Reply

Barbara Modesto, CA March 12, 2012

Talk on Co-Dependency Timely and Time-tested. Thank you! Reply

Daniel DeGrandpre Vancouver, Washington February 11, 2012

Co-Alcoholics versus Codependency I loved your talk, so forgive me if I am mistaken. In your talk it sounds as if you have co-alcoholics or co-addicts confused with codependents in general. In every example where you included the alcoholic or addict you seemed to be making a seperation with the codependent. I came into AA and then Al-Anon in 1978/79 when there was a definite seperation between the two addictions; those addicted to chemicals and those addicted to intensity or if you will the family members of the alcohohic. Most of the alcoholics and/or addicts, if not all, that I know are also codependent. It is a common thought in the Northwest, where I live, that the next step in sobriety after AA, is recovery in Al-Anon or other co-dependency groups. Maybe you believe so as well, but I couldn't tell from this talk. It is not uncommon in the meetings I go to in AA to talk openly about what we have also learned in the other groups, like Al-Anon, as it pertains to our sobriety and recovery. Reply

Traci Chicago Ridge, IL January 11, 2012

Wonderful I am fairly new to Judaism (about 4 years) but have been in dysfunction and addiction - both self and familial - my entire life. Your perspective is fresh, and it's like you're speaking right to me about my life. Thank you. Reply

victor fatherheart consoler 234, Nigeria January 3, 2012

Appreciation Dear
Rabbi Shais Taub,
Shalom thanks because there is truth and enlightenment in this,
your sincerely

. Reply

christopher beeker Costa Mesa, Ca. January 2, 2012

Dear Rabbi;will you speak in Orange County,Ca.? I am a Gentile who finds your perspective on sobriety refreshing and meaningful. What part about AA isn't spiritual? It's all spiritual! A correct understanding ads depth, meaning and great value to the new way I choose to live. Thank you Rabbi. You are helping me to understand myself and the world around me. You are also helping me to live a better life and quite possibly improve lives around me from my life being improved. Thank You. Reply

Rose Collingwood, Canada January 2, 2012

thank you so much. that was so good, I laughed and I cried and there was so much truth and enlightenment that I am very grateful to you Reply

Anonymous Mesa, Arizona, USA January 2, 2012

Emotional Sobriety It took me 63 years, my life, to become emotionally independent from a very controlling family. There was so much inside of me that would help in the progress of a successful life, my way, in G-d's way. But they had a way to control my thoughts and all the gift Hashem had given me. But I must use Josef, from the TaNak, as an example. I am the 7th child. grew up from home to home in my family. Was abused from most of the people I can remember, physically, verbally, as well sexually. It is a miracle, that my independense now, came from the Eternal G-d of Yisrael. To HIM I owe my life in every sense. Now I can say that I AM FREE. I watched this video before, and this is the second time I was able to watch it again. Thank you Rabbi Taub it has taught me a great deal. And I love your jokes. I believe that Hashem, Blessed be He, gave me many gifts to work w/my hands. I also believe that I am an inborn artist. My paintings are getting the meaning I wanted to convey in them. Thanks be to G-d. Reply

MelLY rOSE Portland , Or November 15, 2011

Emotional Sobriety Dear Rabbi Taub,
I could never find the words good enough to express how much truth you spoke here; not to mention how I've been effected, moved, inspired by this lecture.
My words sound so trite I don't know what to say frankly. The wisdom, the stories all the ingredients you shared made/make invalueable life lessons. Twenty seconds after u finished I splashed my keyboard with the most spontaneous tears I've ever shed. I surprised myself with the suddenness of my outburst. I actually felt joy and I hate the word" happy" but that's what I felt. Flourished is the right word. I can count on one handhow many times in my life I have known what authentic joy is. .
Boundaries, no limits, "victim"defined as a role as opposed to who personis. Gentile joke rocked. Must tell parents!? Don't want to offendI Yikes.U impacted my life.Would I go back after this lectured? u gave me a new lens. Why did I cry Rabbi?
gratefully ur's,
melrose Reply

Paula Stone West Bloomfield, MI August 27, 2011

Stories of CHELM - at The Shul Thanks Rabbi Taub, for another moment of brilliance. I can't wait for you to come to Michigan again soon.

Have a very BLESSED ELUL!!

Baruch HaShem,
Paula Stone Reply

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Spiritual Tools for Dealing with Dysfunction

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