Normally, a bar mitzvah celebration is filled with excitement, joy and festivity.
But for the Mendelovich family of Misgav, Israel, going ahead with a planned bar mitzvah for their son Roee was just too painful following the recent loss of the boy’s brother, 21-year-old Oz.
A staff sergeant in the Golani brigade of the Israel Defense Forces, Oz was one of the 64 soldiers killed this summer during Israel’s war with Hamas in Gaza. In the aftermath, the family’s grief and suffering made it hard to imagine any kind of simcha without Oz there.
During the shiva—the mourning period—for Oz, a delegation from the Chabad Terror Victims Project (CTVP) visited with the family. “They were distraught and filled with pain and anguish at the loss of their son, and told us that they were going to cancel a planned bar mitzvah for their younger son, Roee,” says Rabbi Menachem Kutner, director of the CTVP.
Knowing from past experiences with other families who had lost a loved one that missing this important milestone might be hard on Roee in the future, the delegation came up with a plan.
“We told them we understood their decision,” recalls Kutner, adding that “we offered to completely organize the whole bar mitzvah for just them and their family.”
The family agreed.
So on Monday, Roee, his mother Osnat, his sister Chen, and some family and friends went to the Kotel, the Western Wall in Jerusalem. (His father, Ofer, was not present). There, he marked his passage into adulthood in accordance with Jewish tradition.
“The ceremony was beautiful and very moving,” says Rabbi Yossi Swerdlov, associate director of CTVP. “There was singing and dancing, and despite the pain of their loss which is still acute, the family was able to experience great joy.”
Kutner adds that “we felt we were doing something great, and that we were able to bring some joy, even for a few moments, to this special family that gave so much for Am Yisrael and Eretz Yisrael”—the people of Israel and the land of Israel.
And, of course, Oz was never far from anyone’s thoughts.
Kutner told those gathered at the bar mitzvah that, according to Kabbalah, “during a simcha, close family members who passed away join in. So I am sure that he is rejoicing here with us.”
A Surprise Guest
The Mendeloviches also had an unexpected guest at the bar mitzvah—a lone soldier from Chile. He was at the Kotel with his rabbi, Rabbi Menashe Perman of Jabad Lubavitch of Chile, who was visiting from Santiago.
Having him there was “Divine providence,” says Swerdlov. “It added a lot. I think in some ways, it was especially meaningful since he was a lone soldier.”
As for Roee and his mother, their faces told the story.
“Roee enjoyed every moment, and his mother told us she was so happy to see the big smile on his face,” reports Swerdlov. “She expressed such gratitude to all of us at CTVP, who she says have not forgotten her family and have been a strong support for them. She noted that this has helped them so much during this terribly difficult time.”
It’s support the family can continue to expect for a while.
As Rabbi Joseph Aharonov, chairman of Agudas Chasidei Chabad of Israel, said: “It is vital and important that families like the Mendelovichs, who have lost precious loved ones in the defense of Israel, should never be forgotten.”
After the events of the day, Osnat Mendelovich wrote to the CTVP, expressing her gratitude, saying “it was the first time in three months since the fall of Oz that I went to bed happy and proud—proud that I am part of a community that knows and honors those who fight for it, and happy that my children were smiling the whole day, thanks to your gesture.
“It was a bit of pink in the black forest in which we live.”
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